Let me start by saying I totally respect those who have both an engagement party and a bridal shower, I wanted to write this blog post for those who are on the fence about having either one of these extra celebrations prior to their wedding day. Here is the reason why my fiance and I decided to opt out of both.
The guests coming to an engagement and/or bridal party feel obligated to come bearing gifts. I mean, a bridal shower is all about gift giving isn’t it? But… aren’t they also going to be obligated to come bearing a gift for your wedding too? So, basically, you want 3 gift from each of your guests…
Now, let’s think about your bridesmaids … They will need to not only get you those 3 gifts, but also buy or rent their bridesmaids dresses, pay for theirs AND your bachelorette party (may or may not consist of flight, hotel, etc) + gifts + decorations + hair and makeup on your wedding day ….
For the groomsmen … they will need to buy or rent a tuxedo, pay for their and the grooms bachelor party (may or may not consist of flight, hotel, etc.).
Not to mention, if your wedding has any kind of traveling involved, don’t forget to add gas, or tickets, hotel stay, food, etc. on to their expenses.
For my fiance and I, the notion of asking the people who we love and care about most to spend hundreds (sometimes thousands) of dollars for 3 celebrations is a tad too much to expect/ask for.
The average age for marriage/weddings is within the 20’s, which means, most likely none of your friends have money to spare (just like us!). They are paying their student loans debts, rent, car insurance, phone bills, Health Insurance, all while attempting to save for their futures to buy a home, to get married themselves, for their kids if they are pregnant or already have kids, etc.
That is why these extra 2 celebrations simply did not make sense for us. We know that even if we had an engagement party and asked people not to come with gifts, they still will, because it is just what people do.
Those who want to see us will make plans with us to celebrate our engagement more intimately; like a small dinner or just hanging out playing cards at someone’s home. No need to make the ones you care for most break their bank accounts to celebrate your love 3 times over. Plus, that makes the wedding THAT much more special 🙂 And trust me, your friends will be forever thankful for it.
Again, these were OUR opinions and reasons to opt out, they may not apply to you, and that’s okay.